I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
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It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
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i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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