i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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