Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
