Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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