I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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