don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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