Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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