So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
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Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
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I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize