cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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