dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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