Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
me + whiskey = a bad person
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
