I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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