Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
