Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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