he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
