Please, let me fuck your mom
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
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