ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
the condom got lost in my hair
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
