If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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