This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
