that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
