We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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