i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
