she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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