You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
