Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
