Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
