I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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