the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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