you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
this hospital has no fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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