The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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