You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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