I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
