you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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