Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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