Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
