Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
