I am puke
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
