mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
