so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
