do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
