Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize