moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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