he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
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I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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