Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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