some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
