If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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