Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
