Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
