Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
