Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The adults are the big ones right?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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