She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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