Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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