Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
