Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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