we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
How external is "for external use only"?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
