Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
