hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You've changed since you got that strap on
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