you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
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