My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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