my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
