I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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