12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
