I wish I could teleport
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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