I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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